Liam Goes to Summer Camp (for Adults)

Dear Mom and Dad,

Summer camp is fun. Last night we stayed up past midnight and enjoyed stargazing. I thought I saw the death star soaring through the sky like a bat in the night that is only gliding. I don’t even care that I’m 40 and I’m at a summer camp. I’m having a great time.

You’ll never believe it. On Monday, Axl Rose showed up!! Apparently, every week Axl makes a surprise appearance at the summer camp and each time he does he gets $12 bucks. Can you believe it? A celebrity!

Tuesday, we went in a hot tub and a storm flew in overhead. It was all thunder and lightning, wind; and hard, pouring rain, with little knives of hail. The works. Well the big problem was that we were so afraid to move that one of us, the tall one, got struck by lightning! Owie owie owie!!

Wednesday, I got my first taste of hog. Harley-Davidson hog, I mean! That’s right. I rode a Harley-Davison motorcycle. After we signed a long waiver at the camp, we finally got to ride our Harley-Davidsons. They made sure to tell us something beforehand about wearing a helmet and that 1 in 2 motorcyclists die every time they drive, and I was like, “SEE YA!” and I took off like a bat out of hell. People don’t realize how everything is free if you just take it.

The next day I came back, Thursday, and we got up at 5am, hopped in the camp vans, and drove around for 16 hours trying to get truck drivers to honk at us.

Friday, we dug for buried treasure. It was a secret dig though. One of the camp counselors, the one with the scarf, said to me, “Meet me in the alley behind the shed in the forest behind the elementary school next to the dump under the tall tree with an X carved on it.”

At first I was frightened, but then I said, “OK I just have one question though: do I need to bring a shovel?”

“Three shovels so I can pick the best one and we’ll use it to bury the other 2 because they’re garbage.”

I nodded and away we went for a dig.

We arrived that night and we dug and dug until morning, which, uncovered exactly what we were looking for… The golden pelican!!!



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