Ugh. This morning I got up abruptly because the rats were fighting with the geese again. Something like this usually happens and I get up in a haste.
I gathered my robe and sandals, checking out my reflection in a bowl of water I used to wash my face. Ugh. I hadn’t had a good shave in almost 40 days and 40 nights. My face was dirty from over a month of wrestling animals into their cages in this extremely large, but poorly crafted boat.
“HEY, I HELPED YOU BUILD THAT BOAT,” God said.
“I know, I know…” I responded, clearly annoyed.
“…ARE YOU MAD AT ME?”
“No, God. God! You always think I’m mad at you. I have to go pen some animals now. I’ll talk to you later, God.” I reassured God in a passive-aggressive way and moved hurriedly to the main floor of the boat.
“Oh damn it, not again!” I knew I’d heard the rats and geese going at it. “Oh come on, guys!” I said. Unbeknownst to me though, the rats and geese were spread out into different cages. It was a mess! The hens were with the jellyfish and the lions were with the dinosaurs!
That’s when I let out what I call my “birdsong.”
“Tweet. TWEEEEEET! Tweet, tweet. RAWR!” (I threw in the rawr at the end to corral the mammals.)
Abruptly, the animals gathered in a circle around me. Except the jellyfish. They stayed where they were. I was surrounded by animals at my feet and birds on my shoulders. Many birds. The sun peeked out from between the clouds. It was like a painting by Michelangelo.
Wait, the sun peeked out of the clouds. That can only mean… the storm is over!!!
“Is it really true, God? Is the storm over? I can return to my family and release all these wild animals?”
“UH, YEAH. WELL, EVERYTHING EXCEPT THE FAMILY PART.”
“Oh well,” I thought.
Only Some Stories 