Noah Goes to Work

Ugh. This morning I got up abruptly because the rats were fighting with the geese again. Something like this usually happens and I get up in a haste.

I gathered my robe and sandals, checking out my reflection in a bowl of water I used to wash my face. Ugh. I hadn’t had a good shave in almost 40 days and 40 nights. My face was dirty from over a month of wrestling animals into their cages in this extremely large, but poorly crafted boat.

“HEY, I HELPED YOU BUILD THAT BOAT,” God said.

“I know, I know…” I responded, clearly annoyed.

“…ARE YOU MAD AT ME?”

“No, God. God! You always think I’m mad at you. I have to go pen some animals now. I’ll talk to you later, God.” I reassured God in a passive-aggressive way and moved hurriedly to the main floor of the boat.

“Oh damn it, not again!” I knew I’d heard the rats and geese going at it. “Oh come on, guys!” I said. Unbeknownst to me though, the rats and geese were spread out into different cages. It was a mess! The hens were with the jellyfish and the lions were with the dinosaurs!

That’s when I let out what I call my “birdsong.”

“Tweet. TWEEEEEET! Tweet, tweet. RAWR!” (I threw in the rawr at the end to corral the mammals.)

Abruptly, the animals gathered in a circle around me. Except the jellyfish. They stayed where they were. I was surrounded by animals at my feet and birds on my shoulders. Many birds. The sun peeked out from between the clouds. It was like a painting by Michelangelo.

Wait, the sun peeked out of the clouds. That can only mean… the storm is over!!!

“Is it really true, God? Is the storm over? I can return to my family and release all these wild animals?”

“UH, YEAH. WELL, EVERYTHING EXCEPT THE FAMILY PART.”

“Oh well,” I thought.

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